Vulnerability

A friend of mine sent me a Ted Talk called the power of vulnerability a while back and I thought it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard. The lady talked about how we need to open up and how much better we connect when we let ourselves feel all kinds of emotions. Yet, here I am  trying to suppress every kind of flooding emotion that comes my way.

My friends in high school would meet a guy and begin an elaborate plan of their future together. They were fascinated by weddings and moving in together. Yet, I have never felt that way about anyone. I shy away from planning things too far into the future because relationships are too uncertain and fragile. One day they’re here and the other they’re not. I hate the idea of imagining a future with someone because I never knew if it will actualize. But I do have five year plans for myself which for some reason I am convinced I can achieve. The main reason for that is because for your career plans you don’t need to rely on someone else. You know you have to push yourself and if you fail then it was your fault for letting yourself down. With relationships you can’t control the other person and they can let you down at any moment in time.

For that reason I try not to get attached to any person I date at any time, ever. Yet this year it so happens that my boyfriend lives approximately 5 minutes away and we spent chunks and chunks of time together. &I love it which is terrifying because I don’t want to develop this habit which may eventually be broken. College couples are a funny breed. They do EVERYTHING together. I have a friend who grocery shops with her boyfriend as if they lived in the same apartment. But don’t these girls realize how difficult the transition to real life will be after we all have to leave the fantasy world of these relationships? I don’t think so.

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