New Year-Same Me?

You can’t escape your issues, no matter how hard you try. Two years ago on Christmas eve I had a major realization that I was way too insecure to be in a relationship with someone who failed to grasp my issues. I freaked out when he commented on other girls’ pictures or when he casually texted girls whose numbers he’d gotten the night before. I’d get this feeling in the pit of my stomach every single time I saw something which proved that maybe I wasn’t the only person he was interested in. But love is blind indeed and instead of building myself up I tore myself down. I’d pick the one characteristic I lacked that the other girl had and I’d use it as an excuse. Of course he’d want to flirt with her she’s so much more interesting and she is so much smarter. I suffocated myself with my own thoughts and anxiety over not being good enough. You can see why I felt like I had just been saved from drowning when a year later I got the courage to end the relationship. I spent months building myself up and telling myself I am wonderful. Until the next relationship hit and the same demons began to resurface. Sitting in my room on Christmas Eve this year I realized I haven’t changed much from the girl I was two years ago. I still let voices tell me that the other girl has better fashion sense, that the other girl is more artistic and more fascinating.

Fortunately, I also know now that I control these voices. I read a quote recently which has impacted me. “The most important relationship you will ever have is not with your spouse, your parents or your children. It’s with your thoughts. They are your most intimate companion.” I have always hated self help books and self help advice but I am at the point in my life when I’m finally realizing the validity of helping myself. Being told I’m good enough by others is not going to be enough if I can’t see it myself. When I have a bad day now I write down 3 things I like about myself. It’s tacky and embarrassing but surprisingly uplifting. I no longer pick things I have that other girls don’t. I only focus on myself and what I see when I look in the mirror. And when the ghost negative thoughts come creeping in I tell myself that I’m better than obsessing over some girl I’ve barely met and I divert my attention away.

I guess you can say my New Year’s Resolution is simple- To learn to love myself. And I hope you’re inspired to do the same.


History of Nail Polish

Apparently nail polish was used all the way back 5000 years ago by the ancient Chinese when the ruling class( female and male) would paint their nails gold and silver to distinguish themselves from the general population. In Egypt those who were royalty wore vibrant colors while those of the general population wore more nuanced tones.
Nail polish became popular in the Western hemisphere during the Industrial Revolution when chemists began experimenting with cosmetics. It was actually popularized in France not the United Kingdom or US. Women would paint all of their nails except the lunar part. As far as I understand the trend was popularized during the Victorian era which explains why it became commonplace only for women to paint their nails. It was an arbitrarily established rule that it’s feminine to paint your nails so to this day men are wary of using anything to enhance their nails. Today men who refuse to paint their nails will not give a real reason but that it’s not socially acceptable. So, in my opinion we shouldn’t mock those who choose to stray from this norm since it has no logical backing!